1. The Family Ideal

World Scripture

He who loves his wife as himself; who honors her more than himself; who rears his children in the right path, and who marries them off at the proper time of their life, concerning him it is written: “And you will know that your home is at peace.”
Talmud, Yebamot 62 (Judaism)

Supporting one’s father and mother, cherishing wife and children and a peaceful occupation; this is the greatest blessing.
Sutta Nipata 262 (Buddhism)

There are five relations of utmost importance under Heaven… between prince and minister; between father and son; between husband and wife; between elder and younger brothers; and between friends.¹
Doctrine of the Mean 20.8 (Confucianism)

What are “the things which men consider right”? Kindness on the part of the father, and filial duty on that of the son; gentleness on the part of the elder brother, and obedience on that of the younger; righteousness on the part of the husband, and submission on that of the wife; kindness on the part of elders, and deference on that of juniors; with benevolence on the part of the ruler, and loyalty on that of the minister; —these ten are the things which men consider to be right.
Book of Ritual 7.2.19 (Confucianism)

May in this family discipline overcome indiscipline, peace discord, charity miserliness, devotion arrogance, the truth-spoken word the false spoken word which destroys the holy order.
Avesta, Yasna 60.5 (Zoroastrianism)

Natural mildness should be there in the family. Observance of the vows leads to mildness… Right belief should there be amongst family members. Crookedness and deception cause unhappiness in the family. Straightforwardness and honesty in one’s body, speech, and mental activities lead the family to an auspicious path. Purity, reverence, ceaseless pursuit of knowledge, charity, removal of obstacles that threaten equanimity, service to others—these make the family happy.
Tattvarthasutra 6.18-24 (Jainism)

When father, mother, sons, elder and younger brothers all act in a manner suited to their various positions within the family, when husbands play their proper role and wives are truly wifely, the way of that family runs straight. It is by the proper regulation of each family that the whole world is stabilized.
I Ching 37 (Confucianism)

The union of hearts and minds and freedom from hate I’ll bring you.
Love one another as the cow loves the calf that she has borne.
Let son be loyal to father, and of one mind with his mother;
let wife speak to husband words that are honey-sweet and gentle.
Let not a brother hate a brother, nor a sister hate a sister;
unanimous, united in aims, speak you words with friendliness.
I will make the prayer for that concord among men at home
by which the gods do not separate, nor ever hate one another.
Be not parted—growing old, taking thought,
thriving together, moving under a common yoke,
come speaking sweetly to one another;
I’ll make you have one aim and be of one mind.
Common be your water-store, common your share of food;
I bind you together to a common yoke.
United, gather round the sacrificial fire
like spokes around the nave of a wheel.
With your common desire I’ll make you all have one aim,
be of one mind, following one leader,
like the gods who preserve their immortality.
Morn and eve may there be the loving heart in you.²
Atharva Veda 3.30 (Hinduism)

Teachings of Sun Myung Moon

Human beings have a basic need to feel and connect with each other. For this, we need wives and husbands; we need young people and old people. This is why, regardless of the world’s opinion, we have worked to establish the family as a universal form.
(21:120, November 17, 1968)

A family should have both a father and a mother, and both sons and daughters. Only then can it be the complete foundation for happiness… when all the varieties of heart are present in the family.
(32:197, July 15, 1970)

Neither men nor women were created for their own sakes, but for the sake of their partners of the opposite sex. Let us say that there is a beautiful woman who hates men. Yet when you look at her figure, it is clear that God gave her beauty for the sake of a man. God designed each sex to live for the sake of its opposite.
Likewise, when parents live for the sake of the children and the children for the sake of the parents, taking good care of each other, they revolve around each other. The more they live for each other, they faster they revolve. This is the ideal form—not a square, but round and three-dimensional. Each adds to the other’s energy; hence the more we live for each other the faster our circular motion becomes. The family forms a sphere and can continue that way for eternity.
(69:83- 84, October 20, 1973)

The family is the smallest unit where we can practice and perfect the Four Great Loves—the Four Great Hearts: true parental love, true brotherly and sisterly love, true conjugal love, and true filial love. A true family is the foundation of its members’ true love and true happiness. It is where true life and true lineage sprouts. A true family is the training ground and school to achieve true love and true character.
(294:65-66, June 11, 1998)

God’s love abides where parents, husband and wife, and children are united in love. Where these three kinds of love come together, God dwells absolutely and for eternity. This family is God’s dwelling-place. Wherever there is unchanging parental love, unchanging conjugal love, and unchanging children’s love, God is always present.
(131:112, April 22, 1984)

What is an ideal family? Some might say, “It is a family whose members all trust each other.” Some might say, “It is a family whose members know each other well.” These descriptions fall short. An ideal family is a family whose members are connected with an inseparable bond of heart. It is a family whose members feel each other’s pain as their own, or even more deeply than their own pain. Hence they willingly sacrifice themselves to carry the others’ burden. Such a family can be called an ideal family.
(228:46, March 3, 1992)

Human beings are born from love and should walk the path of love. Even at the point of death, they should die for love. From this perspective, love is more valuable than life itself; it even precedes life. That is why people willingly give their lives for love.
Love is eternal. Eternal, unchanging love is celebrated in poetry, novels and great literature. These prompt us to desire eternal and unchanging love, not momentary love.
A newborn baby automatically searches for its mother’s breast, following the vibrations of her love. The infant does not care whether she is beautiful or ugly; all that matters is that she is its mother. An infant nursing at its mother’s breast is a sacred scene, manifested in limitless variety.
Thus, we are born from love, and we grow by receiving love. Each of us is the fruit of our parents’ love and the manifestation of their love. Our parents love us because we are the fruit of their love. Parental love can expand infinitely, producing innumerable fruits. It is the starting point on the road to individual love, family love, love for the tribe, love of country, love for the world, love for the universe and love for God.
After we are born, our parents take responsibility to raise us to become good people for our sojourn on earth. Our parents provide for us and teach us, acting not only on behalf of the family, but also on behalf of the nation and the world. They provide us with physical sustenance and education until we reach the age of individual maturity. That is when we should link to the horizontal foundation of love, which is marriage.
Parents take care of us until we marry. In marriage we inherit the love our mother and father have shared in their life together. When we give birth to our own children and start rearing them, we finally begin to understand how much our parents loved us, and thus we inherit parental love. Through this process, we develop into people who can fully give and receive love. This is how each of us matures as a perfected man or woman.
From infancy to the time of maturity, we grow in the love of our parents—a vertical love. Then the time comes to experience conjugal love—a mutual, horizontal love. In this way we enter the integrated realm of love. Heaven and earth together form a spherical world, covering all the dimensions of top and bottom, left and right, and front and back. When the vertical and horizontal love relationships are linked, they interact, revolve, become integrated, and finally merge into a single center of harmony. The vertical axis of love links Heaven and earth. Once it is firmly secured, there arises the need for horizontal love. This takes place during adolescence.
(298:298, March 19, 1999)

When a husband and wife truly love each other and build a family, it symbolizes the planting of God. In the original world, the parents represent God, with husband and wife each embodying a different side of God. Each of their sons and daughters represents another small God. Since God is the original entity of true love, by embodying true love each member of the family becomes one with God. Parents are the living embodiments of God and thus represent Him [to their children]. Husband and wife each represent God [to each other], and the children represent Him as well. Thus three generations, centering on true love, are at the level of God.
This is why all the family members—parents, husbands and wives, and children—need true love. A family formed in this way, centering on true love, is the foundation for the Kingdom of Heaven. Unless we first make such a foundation, the Kingdom of Heaven can never be established. This is the formula… God, the Parent of the entire universe, abides in the center of these manifold relationships of love.
(298:307, March 19, 1999)