2. Wisdom in Choosing Friends
World Scripture
Associate not with evil friends, associate not with dishonorable people; Associate with good friends, associate with noble people.
Dhammapada 78 (Buddhism)
Bad company ruins good morals.
1 Corinthians 15.33
What is attached to the defiled will be defiled; and what is attached to the pure will be pure.
Mishnah, Kelim 12.2 (Judaism)
Those that are good, seek for friends; that will help you to practice virtue with body and soul. Those that are wicked, keep at a distance; it will prevent evil from approaching you.
Tract of the Quiet Way (Taoism)
Sit in the assembly of the honest; join with those that are good and virtuous; nay, seek out a noble enemy where enmity cannot be helped and have nothing to do with the wicked and the unrighteous. Even in bondage you should live with the virtuous, the erudite, and the truthful; but not for a kingdom should you stay with the wicked and the malicious.
Garuda Purana 112 (Hinduism)
As the man one makes his friend,
As the one he follows,
Such does he himself become;
he is like unto his mate.
Follower and following,
Toucher and touched alike,
As a shaft with poison is smeared
Poisons all the bunch unsmeared,
Both are fouled. A man inspired
In the fear of being soiled
Should not company with rogues.
Itivuttaka 68 (Buddhism)
It is by dealing with a man that his virtue is to be known, and that too after a long time; not by one who gives it a passing thought or no thought at all; by a wise man, not by a fool. It is by association that a man’s integrity is to be known… It is in times of trouble that his fortitude is to be known… It is by conversing with him, that a man’s wisdom is to be known, and that too after a long time; not by one who gives it a passing thought or no thought at all; by a wise man, not by a fool.
Udana 65-66 (Buddhism)
When you gain a friend, gain him through testing,
and do not trust him hastily.
For there is a friend who is such at his own convenience,
but will not stand by you in your day of trouble.
And there is a friend who changes into an enemy,
and will disclose a quarrel to your disgrace.
And there is a friend who is a table companion,
but will not stand by you in your day of trouble.
In your prosperity he will make himself your equal,
and be bold with your servants;
but if you are brought low he will turn against you,
and will hide himself from your presence.
A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter:
he that has found one has found a treasure.
There is nothing so precious as a faithful friend,
and no scales can measure his excellence.
A faithful friend is an elixir of life;
and those who fear the Lord will find him.
Whoever fears the Lord directs his friendship aright,
for as he is, so is his neighbor also.
Sirach 6.7-17 (Christianity)
Teachings of Sun Myung Moon
Keeping company with bad friends can ruin your entire life. Therefore, from ancient times people have been taught to be careful in selecting friends. This wisdom applies across the ages and countries of the world.
No one finds it easy to be considerate of others when he finds himself in a difficult circumstance. This is common to everyone. When people are in bad straits, and to avoid more suffering, they may take advantage of their friends. Catching their friends unawares, they may deceive them and use them, to their hurt.
Considered in this light, who on earth can you trust? It is difficult to find a friend with genuine integrity, on whom you can rely. Although you believe a person to be your good friend, he might step on you and take advantage of you if his circumstances press on him. For this reason, selecting your close friends, and choosing who to build a good relationship with, is a most difficult question.
(91:29-30, January 2, 1977)
When you make a friend, is he someone who works and aspires for a better future? Or does he live only for today, without any ambition? Friends who lack ambition will cause you to decline as time goes by. Therefore, make relationships with better friends in order to build up your future.
(32:14, June 14, 1970)
Do any of you want a friend who is strongly inclined to self-indulgence? Is a friend who always cares about only him or herself a good friend or a bad friend? Why bad? That kind of person sows divisions and discord. He separates his friends from their families, clans, and networks of relationships. That kind of person blocks relationships, just like a pulling down a window-shade blocks the view out of a window. You should clearly understand why such a friend is bad. Evil connects with self-indulgence…
You want a good friend, right? You do not want bad friends, do you? Is a friend who says, “Skip your meal and forget about school! Come out and play!” a good friend? Rather, a good friend would feed you if you did not eat at mealtime, and a good friend would encourage you to go to school even if you do not want to go. That is a good friend; he is in every way the opposite of a bad friend. Here we distinguish the good from the evil.
(36:69, November 15, 1970)
Analyze each of your friends—one friend is like this and another is like that. Study and compare your friends of different types. Is this one calm, or arrogant, or strong, or indecisive? Select three or four of them and verify whether your judgment of them was correct.
(54:177, March 24, 1972)